The day before yesterday, one of my author friends interviewed me for her podcast. It was a fun experience. I’d met the host at an event, and it was fun to catch up. Her format was fairly informal, so it felt like any other chat with a friend.

We discussed my background—how I came to know Christ, the projects I’m working on, and where to find my most recent releases. And then she wanted to know about how my writing journey began. It’s a bittersweet story to recall because while it includes stories of God moving in unmistakable ways in my life, it also includes a hearty portion of rebellion on my part.

Resisting God’s Call

To start with, it took me somewhere around two years to decide to really try writing anything. I spent two years feeling God tug at my heart, leading me to write, and either ignoring it or blatantly telling God no.

To be clear, I had reasons. Plenty of reasons for telling God no. I was a teacher, not a writer. I had done plenty of writing at that point, but it had all been academic writing for my bachelor’s and master’s degrees. While working on those degrees, I’d never written anything more than thirty pages, and I was pretty confident that a book had to be longer than thirty pages. And the coup de gras–I just didn’t know how to write a full-length book and get it published. There was just too much I didn’t know. There was no way I could succeed.

Like I said, plenty of reason. Just no good ones. Which makes me so much more thankful for God’s patience.

Moses’s Reluctance at the Burning Bush

This is the period of my life I see when I read in Exodus about [Moses’s call at the burning bush]. He also had plenty of reasons for not wanting to be the one chosen by God to free Israel.

According to Moses, he was a nobody shepherd, so who was he to go before Pharaoh (Ex 3:11)? He wouldn’t know what to tell the people of Israel if they questioned him about the name of their God (Ex 3:13). The people might not believe him (Ex 4:1). He wasn’t an eloquent speaker (Ex 4:10). And finally the truth came out in chapter 4, verse 13 when Moses finally just asks the Lord to send literally anyone else.

For the sake of clarity, I’m pretty sure God saw through Moses’s objections. He knew that Moses wasn’t wild about the idea of going back to Egypt, and I think the first sign of [God’s patience] we get to see in this story is the fact that Moses didn’t get smited for his rebellion and cowardice. But as is always the case with an infinite God, there is so much more if we keep looking.

Consequences of Hesitating to Follow God’s Will

As the story continues, we find that God still sends Moses to free His people from Pharaoh. I’m so grateful for this example in Scripture because it’s a reminder that [God doesn’t give up on us] as soon as we begin to struggle with our calling, but it’s important to note that there are significant consequences that flow from Moses’s reluctance to follow God’s will for his life.

After Moses finishes begging God to send literally anyone else to save the people of Israel, God assigns his brother Aaron to be Moses’s mouthpiece. If the name rings a bell, you might be remembering that it was Aaron who was responsible for leading the people to form the golden calf while Moses was getting the Ten Commandments from God. But that’s not the only consequence that comes with adding Aaron to the equation.

Missed Opportunities

Starting in chapter seven, Moses and Aaron are sent to Pharaoh to demand that the people be allowed to leave. As God had already decreed, Aaron became Moses’s mouthpiece, relaying to Pharaoh all the things that God would tell Moses. Talk about a game of telephone. But that’s not the only job Aaron takes on. He is also the one who performs signs like turning the Nile to blood and turning his staff into a serpent.

As a child who grew up watching The Prince of Egypt, I was shocked when I noticed this. Partly because that was not how the animated movie in my head played out, and partly because these were experiences that God had planned to share with Moses. They were experiences that would have given him confidence and helped him develop deeper intimacy with God more quickly. He missed out big time. Just because he was afraid to submit to [God’s call on his life].

Stepping into God’s Calling

This pattern lasts until halfway through chapter eight. The plague of the frogs was in full swing, and for the first Pharaoh began to show signs of being willing to let the people go. And all of a sudden, in verse 9, Moses pipes up.

This verse hits me from two sides at once. First, I feel quite convicted that I’m too quick to wait until the first sign of success to really commit to [God’s leading]. But second, I am so grateful that God stuck with Moses until that meeting with Pharaoh. That moment begins a pattern of Moses stepping more and more into a leadership role, and it never would have happened if God said, “Fine! I’ll find someone else!”

Praise God that He sticks with us even when we fear our calling more than we trust Him! That kind of patience is such a blessing, and I pray that while we’re thankful for that patience, we also learn from [Moses’s mistakes] and run toward our calling rather than away from it.