He said to him a third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” Peter was grieved because He said to him a third time, “Do you love Me?” And he said to Him, “Lord, You know that I love You.” Jesus said to him, “Tend My sheep.”

—John 21:17

One of my favorite parts of the weekend is Sunday lunch with my husband. We have an agreement that I get a break from cooking, which means we go out somewhere to eat. I don’t just love this because I get to enjoy a good meal without preparing it myself. I also love it because—even in the busiest of weeks when we get very little time together—I know that at Sunday lunch, we’re going to sit down and spend intentional time together.

A few weeks ago, Sunday lunch was particularly wonderful. We enjoyed the adventure of finding the least expensive things to order on the Outback menu and ended up talking about parenting and future family life. Don’t get too excited—this isn’t a pregnancy announcement! We were just dreaming about the (hopefully not-too-distant) future. What we want for our children. What we hope our family life will look like. How we can prepare now to become the kind of parents we want to be.

A Life Review and a Loving Savior

As we talked, a beautiful memory flashed through my mind—something I’d read in the books Imagine Heaven and Imagine the God of Heaven. These books share thousands of near-death experience stories that have been studied and analyzed. (I’ve always been skeptical of these stories, but reading the books with their scientific perspective on the afterlife was truly life-changing. Highly recommend!)

A recurring theme in these stories is something called a life review, where a person encounters Jesus and sees a playback of everything they’ve done in their life—along with the ripple effects those actions had on others. Yikes.

For me, seeing all my mistakes on display would be hard enough. But watching how those choices impacted others? That might undo me. Yet, the tone of these encounters wasn’t nearly as harsh or condemning as I expected. In fact, many describe it as neutral—or even peaceful. Why? Because of how Jesus responds.

He’s not angry. He doesn’t condemn. He simply acknowledges what happened and invites them to be better.

Meeting Our Deepest Needs

Hallelujah—what a good God we serve! This reaction from Jesus meets something deep within us. It speaks to the needs we all have in order to grow.

If you’ve read my book Practicing Swordplay, you already know how much I love psychology—and today I’m bringing back one of my favorite tools: Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. This pyramid ranks human needs from most basic (like food and safety) to deepest (like self-actualization or personal growth). At the bottom are physical needs, followed by the need to be and feel safe, to feel loved and accepted, to be respected by those around us, and then self-actualization, or the need to grow into a better version of ourselves.

The big idea is this: we can’t pursue higher needs until the lower ones are met. You’re not worried about achieving your life purpose when you haven’t eaten in three days. That’s just how we’re wired.

And what’s amazing is that in these near-death experiences, we see Jesus meeting people’s basic needs so they’re finally free to grow into who He created them to be.

Jesus and Peter: A Model of Redemption

Whether or not you believe these stories, we see this exact same model in John 21, in the story of Peter. After Peter denies Jesus, the resurrected Christ shows up—not to scold him—but to restore him.

First, Jesus meets his physical need by giving him breakfast after a long, discouraging night of fishing. Then, Jesus creates emotional safety—not angrily condemning Peter, but lovingly engaging him.

And then He asks the famous questions:

“Peter, do you love me?”

Each time Peter answers, Jesus affirms him:

“Feed my sheep.”
“Tend my lambs.”
“Feed my sheep.”

It’s like Jesus is saying:

“I know what happened. I’m disappointed—but I still love you, I still trust you, and I still believe in who you can become.”

Jesus Helps Us Grow

Anyone else ready to climb a mountain barefoot for someone who handles your mistakes like that?

That’s the love and respect of Christ. He sees our failures and meets us in them—not to shame us, but to remove the barriers that keep us from becoming who He made us to be. And then, in His grace, He challenges us to get back up and try again.

Thank the Lord for His goodness, kindness, and unfailing love! We really do have such a good Father in Heaven.