In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

—1 John 4:10

Theological and philosophical discussion and debate have been staples in my relationship with my brother since I started college (let’s pretend for the time being that this is normal 😉 ). Normally, we’ll be sitting around chit-chatting about life when suddenly, he asks a question that leaves everyone in the room dazed and slightly dizzy. He’s always been a deep thinker, and I love the fact that he really makes me think.

During one such debate—I had asked him about a branch of theology that turned out to be related to Calvinism and he decided to take the stance of Calvinism for the sake of the debate—we were discussing the nature of love. 

I claimed that love requires choice. In response, he said that was just what I had come to believe love was based on my modern context. According to his argument, other people at other times would have given different answers about what love is and that I had no way to prove that I was right.

That move was effective. I got flustered and I think it’s safe to say I didn’t win that one, but I still am convinced of the truth of my answer. Love requires choice. And when I look at our culture, this is not the definition I see being played out. 

In our world today, love has become transactional. I’ll love you as long as you make me happy, or as long as I enjoy your presence, or as long as I get something out of it. I’ll rejoice over you and say I love you until you stop believing in my ideology or we find something we disagree about. This is what seems to be the definition of love in our culture.

It’s in Scripture that I see the truth that love requires choice. 

It’s not uncommon to hear about the different Greek words for love when studying Scripture. The Greeks recognized several forms of love, and the highest form was agape. This form of love had nothing to do with feelings. It was sacrificial love. Love that’s expressed by choosing to lay down your own needs or desires to make sure someone else is cared for. 

What I love about this short 25-word verse is that it makes it clear what brand of love our Heavenly Father is all about. Both times we see the word love in this verse, it’s a form of the Greek word agape. According to this verse, we didn’t love Him enough to sacrifice our desires to choose Him, but He loved us enough to choose to sacrifice Himself for our salvation.

It almost feels like God was looking directly at our point in history when He inspired John to write verse ten. This verse makes it clear that God was getting NOTHING out of the relationship. There wasn’t much of a relationship to begin with because He was being rejected, but He chose to send His precious Son anyway. He didn’t try to bring people back to Him by controlling them. He didn’t throw His hands up and swear off any attempt to love us. He didn’t seek vengeance. He gave Himself away.

That by itself is such an amazing truth—the kind that makes you feel good inside—but we can’t ignore the last few words of the verse: “He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” That’s the part most of us would like to forget. It hurts to be reminded of our failings, but there is beauty in remembering them.

Another aspect of today’s conception of love is its shallowness. Often in our culture, love is limited to the good times. Or maybe it’s shown for a couple of days right after a tragedy but doesn’t stick around for the aftermath. Sometimes our version of love is to try to fix someone’s problems rather than sitting with them through the pain because it’s uncomfortable. But that’s not what God does.

God cares about our sin. If He didn’t care, He’d be no different than those who validate someone’s lifestyle because they care more about keeping comfortable in the status quo than speaking the truth they might need to hear.

God is different. He won’t ignore the horrible effects of our sin because those horrible effects are affecting us. He’s going to let us know how bad it is for us, but He also paid the highest price of all time to make sure there’s a way for us to come back to Him if we want to.

It’s the ultimate acceptance that says, “I see all of you, including the pieces that are stained by your worst failures and mistakes, but I love you anyway, and I’m willing to give up everything to bring you back home.” That’s extravagant love. That’s the love we’ve been looking for all our lives. That’s love that’s worth telling people about.