As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.

—Ephesians 4:14-16

Take a look at this scene with me. A young married couple is having a disagreement. He hasn’t learned her love language yet. She hasn’t figured out how to make him feel deeply respected yet. He is right when he tells her she disrespects him regularly. She is right when she tells him he’s choosing work and time with his buddies over their marriage. Both of them are right, but the words are said in raised voices and with an angry tone.

You probably already have a good idea of how that scene ends, and it’s most likely not with hugs and cuddles and kisses. 

The truth can hurt. Truth shines a light on our failures, mistakes, and insecurities, and that can be a painful process. That makes the responsibility we have as believers to speak truth into a dying world, whether that be on a large scale or an individual basis, a heavy one, so how do we speak truth in a way that’s constructive rather than destructive? We balance it with love.

It can be a hard balance to find between truth and love—too much truth and we’re tearing people down with our words; too much love and it becomes empty, substanceless sentiment—so here are a few thoughts on this balance based on this passage.

1. Being able to find this balance is a sign of maturity. That doesn’t mean new Christians are off the hook. We are all called to actively work toward finding this balance in the way we treat other people which is a sign of maturity. 
2. One way we should seek that maturity is by learning the ins and outs of our faith. The beginning of this passage refers to children who are easily swayed. They have no foundation and this leads them into deception. It’s turmoil. Back and forth; here and there; to and fro. There’s no security in faith like that.
3. When we find the balance between truth and love, it benefits us as well as those around us. It does this because this balance fortifies relationships. It’s not a secret that we all need love. Love and belonging are number three on the list of our psychological needs, right after physical needs and our need to feel safe. But what is less often acknowledged is the nature of the love we so deeply need.
   
   Our culture has softened that love into sexual love or a love that affirms everything we do, but that’s not the love we really desire and need. The love we need acknowledges all of us—our mistakes and failures included—and chooses us anyway. As humans, we know we are flawed, and one of the most terrifying fears we can face is for someone who we want to love us to find those flaws and choose to leave.
   
   For love to truly be fulfilling, it has to be balanced with the acknowledgment of the truth of our sins. This is exactly what the love of Christ does for us, and when we mimic that in our relationships with others, it bonds us to each other because we are offering the kind of love that we all deeply need.
4. The end result of finding this balance in our relationships is stability and unity. In the first verse, we have the idea of children and a lack of maturity that leads to being tossed here and there theologically. By the end of the last verse, the bond between believers is so strong that we are as indivisible as the human body, firm and stable because of the leading of Jesus Christ.

I’ve always been a person who wants clear instructions before I start a project, so I can’t just end a post there without really looking at what this balance looks like in action. The truth, I think, is the easy part. It doesn’t change. We have no say in it. Matthew 5:18 makes it clear that nothing in the law will change. That means when we are approached by someone who wants to confront us about something in Scripture that makes them uncomfortable, we don’t get to pacify them by watering it down. We have to accurately represent God’s truth.

The challenge is how to do that in love, and I think the best place to find a concrete description of love is 1 Corinthians 13. When approaching a conversation about truth, we must be patient; we must be kind; we mustn’t be arrogant or selfish; we must neither get angry nor compromise our convictions about the truth. We must bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, and endure all things. 

That’s not easy to do in a world so eager to hate us for believing in Christ and the truth of Scripture, but that’s our calling. So let’s make that our aim this week—to stand for the truth when necessary, but to always do so in love.