For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

—Romans 8:6-8

How is that fair? Isn’t this passage saying that some people just aren’t capable of pleasing God? How is it fair for some people to be unable to please God and then be punished for it for all eternity? How can a God like that be a good God?

I haven’t had many opportunities to be asked those questions, but I have seen recordings of people raising objections like these. To be honest, I have mixed feelings about it—part frustration and part pity because these objections often come from a lack of understanding of the passages they cite.

So often people who ask questions like these approach Scripture with a negative view of who God is. If our starting point is a God who’s watching and waiting for us to mess up so He can punish us, it’s easy to see how people would question His goodness.

Today I’d like to offer a new lens, a new starting point through which we can see the goodness of God on display.

If we take Scripture as a whole, it follows a pattern. In the beginning, God created everything to be in a close relationship with Him. He intended to walk and talk with His creation every day, but humans rejected God in favor of trying to do things their own way. The relationship God created to be eternal was broken and we had no power to fix it, so God gave up everything for the chance to restore the relationship we were created to enjoy.

It’s all about the relationship. Not just at an acquaintance level or a coworker-you-barely-tolerate level. It’s the deepest, most intimate, and fulfilling relationship we could ever experience. The entire story of Scripture is wrapped up in what God is willing to do to make that level of joy fulfillment available to us again through a relationship with Him. 

That’s our lens. That’s where we have to start when we look at this passage of Scripture. We were created, not to focus on pleasing ourselves, but to throw ourselves into our relationships, the greatest and best of which was always meant to be with God.

Now let’s look back at Romans.

“For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace” (vs. 6)

First, let’s define terms. When we refer to “setting the mind on the flesh,” we’re talking about trying to do it all yourself. Not just being independent or strong, but rejecting God’s help and authority in our lives. On the other hand, “setting the mind on the Spirit” refers to submitting to God’s guidance and leadership in our lives. 

So when this verse says “the mind set on the flesh is death,” it’s not prescribing a punishment for someone who’s struggling with their earthly existence. It’s explaining what the natural consequences are of how we choose to live our lives. It’s a loving warning meant to redirect us toward the better path.

Psychology backs this up in two ways. First, religious practice has immensely positive impacts on people psychologically and physically. Second, when we are less focused on ourselves, we’re happier. Whether it’s focusing on being grateful for the things and people around you or helping others, not focusing on ourselves has its benefits.

“Because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God” (vs. 7a)

We have to remember that the two options available to us are to surrender to God’s guidance and authority or reject His for our own. It’s either stepping into the relationship or rejecting the relationship, and we know from our experience that at its best, being rejected is incredibly painful. When we multiply that by the infinitely grander scale, we must use when talking about rejecting God, hostile becomes a very appropriate word. And to be clear, it’s not God being hostile because He’s not the one doing the rejecting.

“For it is not even able to do so [subject itself to the law of God], and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.” (vs. 7b-8)

Now we come to it. The part where it seems impossibly unfair if we start from the place of an angry gotcha-God. But look again. The thing people aren’t able to do—subject themselves to the law of God—is what causes them to be unable to please God. To “subject yourself to the law of God” is just another way of saying that you’re “living in the Spirit” or stepping into that relationship of trusting God with your life.

So why can’t people who are “setting their minds on the flesh” please God? It’s all about the relationship, and no one would be pleased by being rejected by someone they love deeply. When we try to do it our way, we aren’t capable of pleasing God because we’ve chosen to reject Him, to evict Him from our lives. 

That doesn’t mean, however, that we are powerless to change that. All that has to change is for us to decide to step back into the relationship, freely trusting Him with how we live our lives. He is always ready to forgive, always ready to wrap us up in that deepest of unconditional loves that we’re all searching for.